Michele’s Freeminding

I’m feeling numb. For two reasons.

The first one is technical: for the past three days I’ve been feeling quite a shit. I’m always tired, my head keeps spinning and I can’t do anything — in the past two days I’ve managed to read only 60 pages of the book I’m currently reading; I usually read 150/200 pages a day. I suspect it might be something like labyrinthitis, or maybe something wrong with my blood levels.

The second reason is people. These past two days have been filled with people I can’t stand. People that don’t touch my inner part. People…empty people…
Usually, I love to be alone, because I feel like I can be much more interesting than most of the people I can find. I have a few friends that I hold very dear and with whom I love to spend my time. But I’m not the kind of person who can get along well with everybody.

I don’t give a damn if you wear trendy clothes. I don’t give a damn if you have this or that. Do your Prada shoes make you a better person? Nope! Does your big car make you a better person? Nope! So, please, do enjoy them, but don’t talk about it: it makes you sound stupid to people who don’t care about those things.
I have trendy clothes, too, but, first of all, you can’t tell it, because I buy them only if they don’t have any logo on the outside, and second, I hate to admit I have them…

To many what I’m saying might make no sense, because it’s something I’m thinking because of the people I met in these past few days, and whom I’ll meet again tonight, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and for more days ahead.
I’m not saying I’m better than others. I’m saying others are stupid because they feel better than others only because of what they own.
I do feel compassion for them. For their self-made-cage. They can’t see their chains. They can’t feel their closeness. They are empty; and it seems like the emptier wins.

Can you fill the void in them? Maybe. But I think they hold dear to their own emptiness.

Maybe I’m just rambling like an old man because my spinning head makes me very irritable. Maybe I’m an asshole. Or maybe…who knows?

This place stinks, it’s rancid and I feel breathless. I’d fly away if I could.

This post was written 3 years, 4 months ago on August 7th, 2005 mid-morning.